this post is slightly depressing,so if you dont want to read this
go to the previous entry and log onto dontyoulovetoshop.blogspot.com.
hehe.
It’s 8 plus on hari raya morning and I just felt this propelling urge to blog,so here I am.
After hanging up the phone with hafiz,I couldn’t sleep till about 5.
My breathing was constricted yet again..and I felt so uneasy. It was very uncomfortable.
I tried everything to fall asleep. Then it occurred to me, what if this uneasy feeling was due to a closed one’s pain?And I just kept saying to myself..
Dear God, please don’t let it be my grandma.
I woke up this morning to hear my dear nyai bedok (grandaunt) passed away.
This post might possibly make me sound pretentious. If you were one of my oldest and dear friends,you’d know that im the kind of person that’s always very semangat for raya. Yeah, the kind who goes all out with the hair,and new shoes,and new handbag,new accessories.
But this year, everything feels so different.
I don’t give a shit about any of those things..except for new shoes (got them) and of course new bajus. Perhaps cause this year, i really really put in so much effort over the past few weeks in cleaning and cooking.lol.
I've never really been that kind of girl.
Perhaps cause my grandma stayed over for a few months during my holidays- I learnt to cater to her needs.
I bathed her, clothed her, strapped on her diapers for her..even cleaned up after her (ah I remember this so well.)
At the same time, she was such great company…I’d always remember our lazy afternoons just idling way in my room. Me face down, dreaming away..Her knitting away. And we’d just…….talk. Now she’s gone off to live with my aunty for an indefinite period. Frankly, I didn’t want her to. Cause then she’d be far, far away from me.
You see, all my life. She was always there. My mom was busy working when I was little..so she raised all 4 of us. Before having this experience, I had never felt this way. I’d be irritated with her over everything each time she came by for a day’s stay. I never really thought back to how she sacrificed so much for all over of us and how much she really cares for us.
I never really appreciated her like I do now.
Having the chance to be by her side like I did has humbled me in some ways.
I started thinking deep about things. My family won’t always be with me..What with my eldest brother migrating in 4 years..and my elder brother flying off to study overseas. And my parents..they’re already in their early 50’s.
I’m just thankful I’ve got all my loved ones with me..thankful I’ve got them.
So while I might not prance around saying yay yay Hari raye!, I am really content with what I’ve got.
That I have yet another chance to be with ALL my loved ones on such a special day.
:)
love,nafeesa.
go to the previous entry and log onto dontyoulovetoshop.blogspot.com.
hehe.
It’s 8 plus on hari raya morning and I just felt this propelling urge to blog,so here I am.
After hanging up the phone with hafiz,I couldn’t sleep till about 5.
My breathing was constricted yet again..and I felt so uneasy. It was very uncomfortable.
I tried everything to fall asleep. Then it occurred to me, what if this uneasy feeling was due to a closed one’s pain?And I just kept saying to myself..
Dear God, please don’t let it be my grandma.
I woke up this morning to hear my dear nyai bedok (grandaunt) passed away.
This post might possibly make me sound pretentious. If you were one of my oldest and dear friends,you’d know that im the kind of person that’s always very semangat for raya. Yeah, the kind who goes all out with the hair,and new shoes,and new handbag,new accessories.
But this year, everything feels so different.
I don’t give a shit about any of those things..except for new shoes (got them) and of course new bajus. Perhaps cause this year, i really really put in so much effort over the past few weeks in cleaning and cooking.lol.
I've never really been that kind of girl.
Perhaps cause my grandma stayed over for a few months during my holidays- I learnt to cater to her needs.
I bathed her, clothed her, strapped on her diapers for her..even cleaned up after her (ah I remember this so well.)
At the same time, she was such great company…I’d always remember our lazy afternoons just idling way in my room. Me face down, dreaming away..Her knitting away. And we’d just…….talk. Now she’s gone off to live with my aunty for an indefinite period. Frankly, I didn’t want her to. Cause then she’d be far, far away from me.
You see, all my life. She was always there. My mom was busy working when I was little..so she raised all 4 of us. Before having this experience, I had never felt this way. I’d be irritated with her over everything each time she came by for a day’s stay. I never really thought back to how she sacrificed so much for all over of us and how much she really cares for us.
I never really appreciated her like I do now.
Having the chance to be by her side like I did has humbled me in some ways.
I started thinking deep about things. My family won’t always be with me..What with my eldest brother migrating in 4 years..and my elder brother flying off to study overseas. And my parents..they’re already in their early 50’s.
I’m just thankful I’ve got all my loved ones with me..thankful I’ve got them.
So while I might not prance around saying yay yay Hari raye!, I am really content with what I’ve got.
That I have yet another chance to be with ALL my loved ones on such a special day.
:)
love,nafeesa.
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